half personal half craft

I'll do the craft part first I guess so everyone who doesn't want personal can stop reading eventually. I have done 5 hand-dyed yarns now and am really thinking about selling them, I've talked to someone about it but if it falls through then I guess I don't know (has to do with the personal stuff so I won't say). I knitted a hobby horse out of the Knitted Gifts book, which is an awesome book but I don't think there's anything else in it that I can do right now. I'm still slowly working on a couple of scarves but I doubt they'll be done by the time it gets cold, maybe next winter. I'm just not feeling it.


So here's my personal part. Stop reading if you'd like I won't feel offened. I promise. I just feel like I'm falling back into my depression again and I'm fighting with everything to keep it from taking over my life like it once did. I'm fighting tooth and nail with my self everyday but I feel myself wearing thin. I can't even entertain myself with knitting or anything like that right now and that's bad. I have been trying to get life set up, to try and bring in some money through my hobby so that I'll have something to spend on new projects, I've tried a couple of times to get a job somewhere I'll enjoy, or even just volunteered so that I could get out and do something but it's not working. Maybe ... I don't know. I don't want to get too deep and personal into everything cause I don't know but it's just getting hard. I feel frustrated half the time and I don't have a release that I want to do right now. Nothing gets me by, I'm not a mean person but I feel angry and I don't want to be mean and I try not to but I just don't know. I do know that it's nothing Jordan did, I'm perfectly happy with him, it's just a chemical imbalance I've been fighting over half my life. I hate it because things can be going so well, better than they are now, and it just happens. Whatever though, I'll stop ranting. Enjoy you're day people. Peace out.